Facebook could be confused with the manual that comes with a new mobile/car/robot. There’s so much it can do but most people are so happy that the bloody thing works they never look under the SIM/bonnet/metal testicles.
Believe me, it’s better that way. Over the past 12 months I’ve spent more time with Facebook than is healthy. Moreover, no matter which buttons I press or how much time I spend down there, neither of us quite get off.
Where to start? Apart from its Gethsemane-like lure as a platform to bring out the worst traits in closet exhibitionists (cough) and its slow theft of people’s photographs and data, its whole interface is designed to send users mad.
For example, how difficult is it to search for a company page? As character after character goes into its search-box and personal friends come and go, it’s just happenstance to find a button on the left-hand side that finally transports you there.
Or how about setting up a Company page? After finally finding the link and bowing to the Great Master’s instructions it then asks for a ‘date of birth’. So it’s normal for most companies to put in the date of their formation, say 2004.
Steps are followed, you put in a new email address so the Company Page isn’t associated with an existing page, the last button is orgiastically pressed and… you receive a message saying ‘You are not eligible to join Facebook’. No other message, just that.
Arrgghhh! What have I done? Have I been a bad machine? Am I thick? Surely a monkey with a gizmo could do this (film reference – discuss)? Don’t I have permissions for the company? Is it the email? WHAT?
The Facebook Help page is shit, so out into the www to find an answer. It seems like this has happened to a lot of people and the overwhelming response was that it happened when people were under 13 years old, the Facebook age limit. Well that’s no good to me, is it?
See where this is going? I *!*?!* didn’t. Of course it was the date the company was formed – 2004. So according to Facebook I was seven years old and too young to join. I could have cried but I hit my computer instead, bastard.
This Facebook strategy may be deliberate because it keeps people on its website longer but it seems more likely that it hasn’t thought this out. All it needed to put on its ineligibility message was an explanation – even seven-year-olds read. $100 billion my eye.
I could go on but I’ve getting closer to dumping this social network. It’s so unresponsive that I’ve even begun to look coquettishly at LinkedIn. You can say what you like at that paricular wallflower but once the shackles come off perchance it would be a much better lay than Facebook.
Monty Munford has more than 15 years' experience in mobile, digital media, web and journalism. He is the founder of Mob76, a company that helps tech companies raise money and exit. He speaks regularly at global media events with a focus on Africa, writes a weekly column for The Telegraph, is a regular contributor to The Economist, Wired, Mashable and speaks regularly on the BBC World Service.
